WHAT A 4 YEAR OLD AND A NIGHT OUT WITH MY FRIENDS HAS IN COMMON

A few months back, I attended a lovely bridal shower for my BFF.  After I drove close to 4 hours to attend this soiree I was highly entertained by a pretty little 4-year-old girl named Nadia.  Nadia apparently was the creation of a fellow woman guest and her husband or boyfriend or lover or whatever.  Wine helped the fact that I almost peed my pants on numerous occasions speaking to cute little Nadia.  Cute little Nadia with her blue eyes, blonde ponytail decorated with a pretty pink flower and her cute little pink dress. 

My friends and I are fans of the sauce, some more than others but we’re all along the same path.  When we go out, it’s not just one or two drinks (even though the line is always “Let go out for a couple!”  We all freakin’ know it’s never a couple) – it’s clearing out the bar or the fridge and then seeing where we can go afterwards to keep on our destructive path.

Nadia just randomly came up to the little circle a couple of us where we were chatting and catching up to spurt out these cute little phrases:

·        “Hi, hello, hi, hello, hi”

·        “My name is Nadia”

·        “What’s your name”

·        “All my friends are pretty”

·        “I have lots of friends”

·        “I’m only 4 but I’m going to be 6”

She also swirled around for us a couple times, batted her eyelashes and fluffed her hair. So cute, huh?

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering how the hell this cute little innocent 4 year old compares to my drunk friends.  Well, well, well – that my dear would be the million-dollar question.  If you have been out with my friends and me or have been lucky enough to encounter us on said drunken occasion there’s no need for an explanation.  If you have not been out with me and my friends on said drunken occasion then keep on reading:

·        “Hi, hello, hi, hello, hi” – Yes Nadia, you now have our undivided attention!  This is the equivalent of one or more of us trying to get the attention of the hot guy group sitting or standing next to us.  Usually one of us is sent (more than likely myself) over to said hot guy group to strike up a conversation.  Why me you ask?  I have no freakin’ idea??

·        “My name is Nadia” – Nadia, you must have gotten an A+ in Social Skills 101!  Well this is usually the standard second introduction after getting the attention from hot guy group.  Sometimes we use our real name, sometimes we don’t.  It depends on how the nights going.  We also sometimes use phrases “Nice shoes – wanna date?”  but more than likely it’s just our name. 

·        “What’s your name” – Oh Nadia, you are doing great so far!  You always want to know what the hot guy’s names are so you can introduce them to your friends once they come over even though in about 30 seconds of them telling you their name you’re going to forget. 

·        “All my friends are pretty” and “I have lots of friends” – Nadia, you conceited little wench!  This by far is my two utmost FAVORITE!  “All my friends are pretty!”  Well gosh darn it they are???  This is when you begin pointing over to the group of friends saying “oh I’m with them” and then proceed to wave like an asshole until one of them actually sees you pointing to them and/or hears you screaming the closest person’s name.  If there’s like 6-8 of you, it implies and looks like you have a lot of friends.  In poor little Nadia’s case, she was just with her mom so we had to take her word for it.  This also rings true if you’re with your one ugly fat friend.

·        “I’m only 4 but I’m going to be 6” – One day Nadia, one day you will be 6 years old, you crazy little girl, but lying is not very nice!  This is the equivalent of my friends in there 30’s telling the hot guy group that we’re in our mid-20’s.  I hate to admit this, but this happens more than I’d like to say.  Would I like to be 25 or 28 again?? SURE!  But I’m not, I’m really 33 and the rest of my friends are not in there 20’s either.  Lies, lies all lies!

Nonetheless, cute little Nadia reminded me that no matter how old we are or where we are in our lives, drinking in excess brings our mentality back to being 4 years old again. 

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