MY TIPS AREN'T YOURS (A Server's Guide to Eating Out)

I’ve been in the industry over 15 years – here’s a couple things to think about when you, the common non-restaurant working folks, should consider when going out to a restaurant.

1.      I’m not a “Waitress” – I’m a Server.  A waitress is a 1960’s woman pouring you coffee in a diner.  I’m a professional who serves you $50.00 steaks, $30.00 bowls of pasta and $18.00 glasses of wine.

2.      If you can’t afford to tip 20% or more – than stay home.  Server’s make $2.63 per hour (in Massachusetts at least)  and their livelihood are their tips.  Leave them what they deserve.  Don’t tell me throughout service how great I am at my job and how awesome the food is and how much of a great time you’re having and then tip me 10%.  This makes you a very bad, bad person and next time you come in and sit anywhere in the restaurant (especially in my section) I can GUARANTEE you, it will not be as nice of a time you had before.  Servers talk and the first thing they talk about is the crappy tip you and your cheap date gave them.  Now there are some very bad servers out there and if you are unfortunate to get one – then leave them what they deserve as well.  It goes both ways.  We have the same bad workers in our industry just as you do in yours.

3.      When I approach your table, I tell you my name.  “Hello, my name is Sara”.  I say it to every table.  Please do not refer to me as “Honey”, “Baby”, “Doll”, “Miss” or my least favorite “Ma’am”.  You call me Ma’am and I will ignore you – plain and simple.  I’m also not your honey or baby or doll – save that for the date sitting across the table from you.  If you forgot my name than ask me politely what it is again – I’m more than happy to tell you.

4.      In 99.9% of every restaurant you go to, the description of the menu item is literally right underneath the menu item.  Seriously, its freiken right there.  Don’t ask me to describe to you every item on the menu.  I don’t have time for that.  If there’s a word or a food that you’ve never heard of – then that’s cool, I’m more than happy to give you the low down on what that item is.  Most people have no idea what haricot vert is.  That’s cool with me – it’s a fancy word for green beans and that’s what I’m going to tell you.  If you ask me to describe to you what mashed potatoes are, I’m walking away.  I don’t have time for stupidity.  On this note, when I ask you if you’re ready to order and you enthusiastically say “YES!” followed by an “ummmmmmmmmm” – UMMMMMMMMMM ….. you’re not ready to order!   Figure out what you want, close your menus and I’ll be over as soon as possible.

5.      When you approach the hostess stand and they tell you there’s a wait, DO NOT REPLY “well I see open tables”.  No kidding Sherlock Holmes!  Those tables are either reserved or there’s no one to serve you there.  Do you want to sit at a table and get no service?  No? You don’t?  Well gosh darn it!  WE KNOW THERE ARE OPEN TABLES!  We have eyes the same as you.  Those tables are reserved because someone much smarter and with much more common sense than you called ahead and made a reservation on a Saturday night at 7:30pm and just didn’t walk in expecting the gates of heaven to open up for you and seat you immediately.   Just smile and nod and take the buzzer and we’ll call you when we’re ready to seat you.  There’s a bar – have a cocktail, enjoy yourself a little.

6.      My personal life is none of your business.  Don’t ask me where I’m from, what school I’m going to/went to, if I’m married, if I plan to get married, if I have kids, if I plan to have kids, where my family is from, if I have any siblings, if they look like me, how old I am, how long I’ve worked there, is this my “only” job, etc.  This isn’t the Sara Mooney show – I don’t ask you personal questions, don’t ask me.  It’s quite frankly none of your business.   My only purpose is to take your order and make sure it comes out of the kitchen properly and in a timely manner. 

7.      Don’t talk down to me, don’t whistle at me, don’t make hand gestures at me and NEVER, EVER, EVER snap your fingers at me.  Just because I’m a server doesn’t mean you have the right to treat me like a piece of street trash.  I’m a person just like you and for all you know this is my only job and I do it to support my dying mother.  So don’t judge and instead respect that my job is difficult and I work late hours and have to deal with people like you. 

8.      There is this ongoing “trend” in the industry that the people cooking and serving you your food are trying to poison you or make you sick. THIS IS NOT TRUE!  No one is spitting in your food or dropping your food on the ground and serving it to you.  It just doesn’t happen – movies like “Serving” are just that – a movie – for your entertainment.  Don’t get me wrong, that movie is pretty hilarious and pretty spot on but for the most part its false.  I mean, I’m sure it’s happened at some place or another but I can guarantee you, that at any place where I’ve worked, I’ve never seen it happen and I know damn well I’ve never done it.  It’s disgusting and as many times you send your meal back because “it’s not good enough for you”, you’re really just pissing me off enough to not want to serve you again.

9.      Don’t walk into the place I work and complain about EVERYTHING.  You’ve been to this establishment a zillion times, I see you here day in and day out.  You’re the person everyone cringes about when your sat in their section.  You bitch and moan and complain about the food and the service EVERY SINGLE TIME but time and time again you keep coming back.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?  Seriously, just go somewhere else.  We don’t need your business – we’ll be okay without your $30.00 check and your $2.50 tip and taking up the table for 5 hours. 

10.  When I am talking with another table, please don’t interrupt me, seriously, don’t do it.  I’m talking to another table.  Refilling your water or getting you some extra sauce can wait the two minutes it will take me to finish up with your fellow diner.  So seriously, have some patience.  I’m only one person here and I will come back around to you shortly.

11.  If you’re going to be dining with more than 3 people – BRING CASH!  There’s nothing more obnoxious than getting 12 credit cards all with different amounts. We’re adults here people, go to the bank before going out.  It takes me a hundred years to process 12 credit cards and while you sit there huffing and puffing and saying to each other “why is it taking so long for her to come back,” just remember you’re the idiots that are making it take the extra time.  BRING CASH!  You pay the bill and then you’re out the door – there’s no waiting.

12.  When I approach your table and you’re on your cell phone – get the heck off the phone.  You’re the one being rude sitting at my table.  It’s if you walked into my house, sat on my couch and didn’t even say hello and just continued talking on your phone.  It’s rude – stop doing it!

13.  When you finish your dish and its completely empty and I ask you if you’re finished, please just say “yes I am that was delicious!”  There’s no need to make the “I didn’t like that” joke – it’s old and corny and most of all its not flippin funny!   I plead with you on my hands and knees – SHUT UP!  You all know what I’m talking about.

14.  You either want dessert or you don’t.  It’s simple a simple “Yes I’d like to end my meal with a delicious piece of your cheesecake” or it’s “No, thanks”.  I’m not asking you to come up with a solution for world peace so stop making it seem that way.

15.  PLEASE REFER BACK TO #1.   It’s simple people extremely simple.  Treat your servers the way you’d want them to treat you and you’ll be a better person – I promise!

Serving isn’t my only job.  It serves its purpose of putting extra money in my pocket to help with family expenses.   I also work a regular 40 hours a week job and take care of my infant daughter.  I do it because it’s what I have to do for my family.  So next time you come in and feel like treating your server like crap, remember me – the mom who’s working 2 jobs to make ends meet.

Remember folks, common courtesy goes a long way and TIP YOUR SERVERS!