The Weirdness of Toddlers

You may have heard the the old adage, “The Kindess of Strangers?” Tonight during dinner I coined a new cliché, “The Weirdness of Toddlers.”

As I watched my cute little blonde-haired blue-eyed boy dip a chocolate chip muffin into a mound of ketchup and exclaim “mmmmm, muffins and dip,” all I could think of was how weird he can be.

And if that wasn’t enough, he then demanded that I give him his “Santa Spoon,” which is actually a Christmas Gnome cheese spreader. Although he was eating mashed potatoes and, at 2-and-a-half really shouldn’t be using a knife of any kind (no matter how dull it may be), the intelligent Mom picks her battles wisely, and so I handed it to him.

(I mean…it is designed to barely be able to cut through soft cheese, right? No need to call DSS; I kept an eye on things.)

Where was I?

Right. “The Santa Spoon.” Quinn hollered, “I. ALL. DONE!” and demanded to be released from the bondage that was his high chair buckle. As he went to sit down on his princely throne (the bottom stair), I noticed that he was still holding the cheese spreader and was cradling it like a baby, talking to it and telling it was a “goooood Santa ‘poon.” He then began kissing the metal blade.

I'm pretty sure he gets it from his Father’s side.

This got me thinking about all of the other bizarre behavior that I have witnesssed the Shumway children exhibit over the past 11 years. Some of it is odd, some of it cute, but all of it the stuff that makes for great memories. Or at the very least, a really funny toast someday when said child gets married. A few examples that come to mind:

• A 2-year old Ben used to leave in the Square and tell us he would give us “hairtuts.” We had to sit on the floor while he very carefully laid one shoelace after another on our heads until he announced that he was done. Never saw a pair of scissors – real or make believe – enter the virtual salon.
• When Georgia started singing songs, her repertoire began with the normal toddler playlist: Baby Beluga, the Wheels on the Bus and Itsy Bitsy Spider. But the year she turned 3, she had found a new signature tune and performed “You’re a Grand ‘Ole Flag” incessantly. There’s something about a little girl singing “When alllll, a-quan-stance, beeee forgot, keep your eye on the Grand Ole’ Flag” that has you biting back laughter until your tongue bleeds.
• Quinn often likes to take things to bed with him; this isn’t anything crazy, as lots of kids have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. But my little boy? One night he snuggled up to a basketball and a plastic measuring cup. One-third of a cup, to be exact.

As I was prepared to declare the Shumways the most bizarre kids ever, I thought back to a young Alex Meek and her sisters clearing out all of the pots and pans from the cupboard underneath the stovetop, filling it with stuffed animals and finally climbing into the dark cabinet and “driving the bus” with a pizza pan as a steering wheel.

Upon recalling that, I decided that there is a fine line between weird and cute.

At least that’s what Alex the Busdriver told her furry passengers, right before she closed the door and engulfed them all in darkness.

Yup, weird. Definitely weird.