Kid Logic: When Will They Learn Dirty Diapers Aren't Fun?

Not a day goes by that I don’t look at some bizarre behavior displayed by my children and think to myself, “I will NEVER understand them.” We may be able to put a man on the Moon and send messages to each other via our thumbs, but the insane logic of a child will remain one of the great mysteries of all time.

Take for example, the way they all like to go outside and play with their socks on - but their shoes off. I don’t know about you, but I have seen not only my own children do it but countless others as well. Now, you would think that the feeling alone would deter them – the gritty dirt trapped in between their socks and toes – but how about their parents’ reactions? They always, ALWAYS get reamed out as their dirty socks are being thrown away, yet it doesn’t stop them from doing it again. And again. AND AGAIN.

How about this one: you’re in a public place with your Toddler and a familiar smell comes wafting your way. “Quinn, did you poop?” “No.” “Quinn, I can smell it.” “I didn’t poop.” “Quinn, let’s go change your diaper.” “I DIDN’T POOP!”

Let me just say this: if it were ME in that diaper, I would be stopping the first adult I could find and demand that they take care of the situation immediately. Who wants to spend a single second in a dirty diaper? But toddlers, however, always deny the presence of the poop and fight you on ridding them of it. Where is the logic in this? WHERE?!

Take footwear destruction. Am I alone here, or does every parent experience this? Kids are always jamming their feet into their sneakers while they are still tied. I mean, I get it. We’ve all been guilty of cutting the occasional corner. But they never pull the heels OUT and therefore wind up limping around once the plastic piece in the back of the shoe starts cutting into their foot and giving them blisters. Perhaps the MOST amazing bit of logic is that when it happens, they look at you in disbelief, not being able to understand why it happened. AGAIN.

One of the most insane behaviors is the tendency of young kids to flirt with a dangerous swing. You would think that the mere thought of being anywhere NEAR a swingset while children are hurtling through the air at a menacing speed would be enough to deter one from strolling so close. Yet there they go, looking the other way or kicking a ball or just standing there as nearby parents are screaming at the top of their lungs and lurching to pull them out of the way. I don’t know a single kid who hasn’t gotten knocked over by a kid on a swing at least once. Often times, more than once.

These, of course, are just a few examples of parenting mysteries that continue to baffle me. I have to assume that when little Neil Armstrong tried to eat mud or flush the cat down the toilet, his mother was concerned too. Right?