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Health & Fitness

Children of Divorce Can Find Happiness in Their Relationships (Part 1 of 4)

Children of Divorce Can Find Happiness in Their Relationships (Part 1 of 4)

Whether you are recently divorced or considering one, you may worry about the effects the divorce will have on your children’s

future love relationships. Worry and guilt can be strong emotions at this time, particularly when it involves your children.

You can rest assured that divorce itself does not sentence your children to a future life of doom. Some kids from divorced homes will grow up with relationship challenges while others will, with relative ease, seek out and maintain healthy love relationships. As with most things in life, the impact will depend on many things, most of which you have a degree of control – divorce or not!

So what does it take to help kids grow to have satisfying relationships? Here is the first point to keep in mind. Next week I will give you another one. The indirect message divorce sends to kids is…. when the going gets tough, leave. Discussing with your kids your own thinking about what it takes to foster positive, lasting relationships is important and modeling that with your ex is crucial. Treating your ex with respect, no matter what his/her behavior, helps kids see that in relationships we can and need to manage our own functioning rather than living in reaction to the other person. In other words, no matter how the other person behaves you can decide and choose how you will behave. Your children will see that if one can manage their own functioning, relationships don’t have to completely breakdown – there are other options other than withdrawing.

Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC
Debbie is trained in cognitive-behavioral and dialectic behavioral therapy. Post-graduate training was at the Gestalt Institute of New York and the Bowen Family Institute of Georgetown. She is a certified Screamfree Parent and Marriage Coach. Previously, Director of Counseling at The College of Mt. St. Vincent for 10 years. She is available for couple’s and parent therapy/coaching. Her offices are located in Manhattan, Larchmont, NY and Greenwich, CT. Contact her at debbie@debbiepincus.com 914-834-4965.
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