Tales of a Tireless Mom: What is YOUR Candy Personality?

As the three Shumway kids dumped out their pillowcases last week after very successful Trick-or-Treating excursions, I couldn’t help but notice the differences in how they all managed their Halloween loot.

Watching each child’s “candy personality” was an interesting study in gender,
age and individuality, and I’ve done my best to categorize the different types of post-Halloween children for parents around town.

Where do YOUR children fit in?

1. The Hoarder – this child will Trick or Treat for hours, logging 12 miles and contracting mild hypothermia in an attempt to get AS MUCH CANDY AS POSSIBLE. What I have found is that these kids aren’t necessarily that interested in actually eating the candy but rather knowing that they have it squirreled away. The Hoarder’s bedroom will boast fun size Milky Ways and moldy Dum-Dums in dusty corners for months to come.

2. The Sugar Accountant – my oldest son Ben falls into this category and nowhere is it more evident than on the spare bed in his room. He woke up early on Nov. 1 and carefully organized each candy according to size and type, taking mental notes of how many fell in each group. I found this out the hard way, as I lifted one small box of Junior Mints while he was at school, thinking he’d never miss it. He did.

3. The Minimalist – unless you’re raising a little candy hater, this group is comprised of mostly the four-and-under set. Less about volume and more about their need to eat it immediately, the little ones tend to be satisfied with hitting a few houses, going home, shedding their costume (or in Quinn’s case, their pants as well) and hunkering down with their loot. They’ll eat six of their seven pieces and forget about the rest. Bank on the sugar crash to hit by 8:30 that night.

4. The Glutton – I’ll admit, I was one of these as a kid. Never one to say no to a piece of chocolate, I would gather my candy and pretty much eat until it was gone. These kids subscribe to the “Go Big or Go Home” motto and finish what they start. I read once that Dentists recommend kids eat all of their Halloween candy quickly rather than a few pieces each day for weeks; I’m not sure if this actually true, but I’ve got a mouth full of fillings and crowns that suggest otherwise.

5. The Day Trader – this child is a cross between Willy Wonka and Gordon Gekko. They go the extra mile to get both the full size candy bars as well as the rare finds (eg, Sugar Babies), as they have a higher value on the Candy Exchange. They tend to take full advantage of younger siblings who will foolishly trade two tiny Tootsie Rolls for a single Charms Blow Pop, and often are found throwing their heads back in evil, sugar-induced fits of laughter.

6. The Fairweather Fan – Georgia falls into this camp. This child collects their candy, dives in headfirst, eats like it’s their last meal for about two days straight and then promptly forget about it. Whether they tire of the sugar or simply get distracted by something else (“Oooh, look, a new ‘Good Luck Charlie’ episode!”), I’m not sure; but within less than a week you can toss their candy and they’ll hardly even notice.

Whether you live with a Day Trader or Glutton, Accountant or Hoarder, just remember that when it’s all over make sure to invest in a good toothpaste.

And lots of floss.